Saturday, August 16, 2014

Ang Pait Ng Red Horse!

Alas dos y media ng madaling araw.

Mag-isa. Kakauwi lang galing trabaho. Nagiinom.

Lagpas kalahating bote na din ng Red Horse ang nainom ko.

Wala akong trip. Walang magawa. Walang makakwentuhan.

Isang bagay na hindi ako sanay maranasan.

Nalulungkot ako.

Mas lalong hindi ako sanay sa ganitong pakiramdam.

Alam ko kung bakit ako nagiinom.

Alam ko din na ayokong maramdaman ulet o maranasan ulet 'tong ganito.

Kinukwento ko to hindi para mabasa ng iba.

Kasi kung kailangan ko ng makakausap, madaling humanap ng kahit sinong makakaramay o mapagkukwentuhan ng nararamdaman ko. Pero hindi yun ang kelangan ko sa mga oras na 'to.

Sinusulat ko 'to para mabasa ko ulet.

Sa future. Para may remembrance ako ng pagka-emo ko.

Madalas kasi kahit may dinaramdam ako, walang nakakaalam. Walang nakakaramdam. Walang nakakahalata. Walang nagtatanong.

Sinusulat ko 'to para balang araw may magpaalala saken na isa to sa mga malulungkot na moments ng buhay ko na ako lang magisa yung nakaalam. Ako lang yung nakaintindi sa nararamdaman ko. Para hindi ko na gustuhin ulet yung ganitong pakiramdam. Kasi ako din naman yung dahilan kung baket ko nararanasan ngayon 'to.

Isang lagok pa ulet ng alak.

Hindi na pala malamig!

Ang pait. Sing pait ng feeling ko ngayon.

Alam kong nagiging emo na ako.

Dapat sa mga oras na 'to, pinagtatawanan ko na yung sarili ko.

Pero hindi pa din e! Alam ko pag nakawala na ko sa feeling na ganito at mababasa ko tong sinulat ko, matatawa ako. Sana pag dumating yung time na yun, hindi ko na gustuhin ulet na dumating ako sa point na uulitin ko yung ganito.

Kasi hindi masaya. Hindi masarap

Ito yung isa sa mga pakiramdam na hindi ko gugustuhing maexperience ng iba.

Hinayaan kong madala ako ng kaunting kaligayahang naranasan ko.

Hinayaan kong maging weakness ko yung kaunting kaligayahan na yun.

Yung kaunting kaligayahang binigay nya saken.

Kasi akala ko okay na ulet ko.

Almost four years na din naman mula nung huli kong pinagbigyan yung sarili kong maging masaya pagdating sa... (okay, corny yung term pero wala ng ibang magamit e)


Potah! ang corny nga! Hindi ko kinaya! muntik ako maduwal!

Ayun, napangiti ako dun ahh!

Siguro hayaan ko na lang munang maging malungkot yung sarili ko.

Kasi magiging okay din naman ako.

At pag nangyari yun, magpapainom ako!

Friday, May 02, 2014

Bunny Ehy 2.0

I'm visiting my blog again. Which I haven't done for quite awhile. Seeing my page, the fonts, the background, the theme, the photos, everything brings me back to the old person I was since I started blogging here. Though I haven't posted a lot yet, I still remember the old me out of the few entries that I've posted. And I remember who I was, what I used to be and I see the things that I haven't changed yet. The things that I find difficult to accept that will never be the same.

Though my heart was broken when Multiply decided to stop maintaining their site, I thought just recently that maybe it's kinda good for me. So that I can no longer read my previous posts. The more-bitter-than-sweet memories from the past which I should learn to stop from returning to my head. So that I can be better.

Now that I am trying my best to convince myself that there are things that can no longer be like how it was before, I thought of redesigning my page. Maybe, by changing these simplest details, I can start forgetting the things I should have forgotten long time ago. Realize that I can start moving forward and stop looking back so that I can see that there's something good ahead of me. And start writing again.

So here's my newly redesigned page. BunnyEhy version 2.0.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Bente Kwatro

It's been a while since I last posted here. And since I just celebrated my birthday, I decided to write a post again.

I feel so blessed to be celebrating my 24th birthday.  Life itself is what I celebrate. My existence. Every detail of it. Every single moment of the 24 years that made me become the person I am now. There may be times that I find it difficult to be in my shoes, but still, I am thankful that God made me able to understand and accept what's served on my plate. With that, I thank God for the intelligence he blessed me with.

I thank God that He surrounded me with people who will help me grow as a person. Who will help me accept and respect differences. People who will either love or hate me. People whom I either love or hate. To all the people who became part of my 24 years, thank you.

After 24 years, here I am. Happy. Thankful. Rejoicing.              

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Balik Tanaw - "Ehy At Work.."

I suddenly missed my tranchemates back when I was in HSBC. Honestly, I almost forgot it's our anniversary. We were hired January 12, 2009. I no longer work there but I still consider it as a special day. I see this as our anniversary of being friends. I'll share my blog post 3years ago, when I was just starting as an associate, as a trainee. I was already working but my blog posts are like for a teenager, cant help but smile, and get teary-eyed when i read it again. Happy anniversary tranche 17! Enjoy reading!

From: My Multiply Account
Date Posted: March 23, 2009 1:04am

Mar 23, '09 1:04 AM
for everyone
its been months since i last posted a story here..
the sudden change on my routine and my life made me, in a short period of time, impossible to do so.. change that gave a lonesome feeling on me then, however, the reason why i love staying up for more hours than i should be.. that change is my employment at the institution where i am staying now.. from being a "bum" to being a more relevant and mature individual..

i recieved the good news on january 9th of 2009.. the call that started it all.. a lady from the recruitment team of HSBC Electronic Data Processing Philippines, Inc.(HDPP) called me for an assessment of to what department i will be put into.. after the assessment, the lady told me to wait for another call for the schedule of my training.. i was almost hopeless after a couple of minutes after the call cause i realized that sometimes, when a representative from a company, particularly the recruitment team, tells you to wait, they mean you really have to wait.. like FOREVER.. then after 45mins(not exactly, could be more or less), i recieved another call.. t'was a guy from the AskHR, he told me to report to the company on jan12 for the contract signing and on the same day, i would start the training.. the next couple minutes, excitement was all i felt..

Meeting Iya
Monday, january 12, 2009, i went to the company for the said contract signing.. only then i knew i'll be on Mortgage Services Frontend Collections. I had no idea of what it will be like and how the process goes on. The first 2 weeks of training(Connect Training) was just an introduction to the company and its policies, the America, its people and culture and the English language.. it was on that training where we first met our tranchemates, we're tranche17(called wave for other companies). We were 15 in our tranche.. I(ehy), iya, grayzie, avon, matt, rejz, lani, mazon, audi, red, aylo, jc, shey, teri and anich.. I was just minding my own world on the first two hours of the training, no one to share something with.. But among the different people inside the four corners of the training room, one girl caught my attention and thought of befriending with.. Princess Maria 'Iya' Castaneda.. The girl wearing a pair of flip flops, which is, unknown to us by that time, a violation of the policies of the company and prohibitted inside the building.. I used to be a violator wherever i am, that's why I got interested on her at the very first time of meeting her.. Plus, she was late and was the last person to enter the room(I wish I was.. haha!).

                Me and Iya smiles like we dont feel stressed by a sleepless training.

Then after two hours of introducing ourselves, we had our first 15minute break.. I and some tranchemates went out to smoke.. that's when i had my first conversation with iya, my tranchemate.. at the very first time, i knew she would be a friend to me cause there was a feeling that i would be comfortable on talking about anything with her.. and i was never wrong with my impressions cause we are very close friends now that we dont feel hesitations on saying anything with each other.. we enjoy each other's company even in the most sleepy hours.. i cant even remember a time that we made each other feel working, every moment together is just like a leisure time for us(though we often crave for a real leisure time together). We are just like in our highschool, the company is our school, our tranchemates are our classmates and our trainer is our teacher. We care for each other like sisters and share happy and sad moments like bestfriends. A real friend which is hard to find in an environment like the company where we are.
Grayzie, Another Friend
                        grayzie and me, greets ourselves good morning..
I cant remember how and when grayzie and I became friends.. all i know is that, she approached me and iya since she's also a smoker.. since then, we always had our cigarette breaks together.. During the first week of training, t'was only me and iya who eats at the diner together, when we became friends with grayzie, it became the three of us.. One lunchbreak, when we were smoking at the roofdeck of the building, grayzie shared a secret of hers which she never told anyone but us.. That made her more comfortable with us.. and since then, a deeper friendship was established and we called ourselves, BFF(bestfriends forever).
The whole tranche became closer with each other when we were in process training.. the training then was more challenging than the first, connect training.. some were almost giving up but no one did.. everyone was able to finish process training and everyone fortunately passed..
Goodbye Matt

                    with my chubby, cute, discreet tranchemate, matt..
Matt was a good friend of mine.. he's the most gentle man on our tranche.. he was also with us every break cause he's also a smoker.. he's so mysterious cause he's a discreet type of guy.. and i was flattered that i was one of the few people who was able to make him laugh when we were having our training.. i never thought he would do what he did when we entered ISD.. i was shocked and saddened by the news on the first day of ISD training.. Mazon was then the bearer of the bad news that Matt was resigning.. The thought of losing someone in our tranche that early made me feel sad.. Having the training done could have been happier if we were complete..

Three Youngest..
I am the youngest in our tranche, only 18.. next is avon, 21, followed by iya, 22.. being the three youngest, we possessed all the "kakulitan" in our tranche.. i and iya often shared jokes even in the middle of discussion.. avon and I would share all the "kalog" traits during free times.. and when the three of us were together, wow! no one would think we're working in a financial institution.. our laughs, our trips, our talks.. no one would think we're serious being in the company.. are we? yes! we just dont seem like we are, but believe me, we are serious on having the job..

the three youngest of tranche17..      iya, avon, and ehy..                  

after more than two months of being together, we were distributed to our own teams.. I and grayzie are still together with team southpark of Mhy Calamlam.. Iya is with other team and so are my other tranchemates.. i am saddened by the idea that we cannot be in one team.. and i know that iya is feeling the same way too.. but that is one thing that we should have been prepared of.. that there will always be a time for parting.. that nothing is constant in our environment.. that we are here not to have fun at all times.. but to give service to the company and get paid..
i miss tranche 17.. i miss BFF(Iya, Grayzie and Ehy), i miss BFF's firends(Mazon, Audi and Matt), i miss the mommies(teri, anich, rejz, cathy and lani, shey), i miss the three youngest(iya, avon and ehy), i miss my favorite color(red), i miss the guy i hate(jc), i miss mr. mute button(aylo), i miss the way we were.. again, i miss tranche 17.. goodluck guys!!!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Back To Work

May trabaho na ulit ako!!! At yun ang dahilan kung bakit di ako nakapagpost agad ng bagong blog entry. Bagong kumpanya, bagong environment. Bagong pakikisama. Nagsimula ang training namen nung 07-04-11. Di ko maiwasang hindi ikumpara yung bagong opisinang pinapasukan ko dun sa dati, aaminin ko, mas panalo sa facilities yung una kong pinagtrabahuan. Pero kahit ganun, di yun dahilan para di ko magustuhan yung opisinang pinapasukan ko ngayon. Masaya ako, yun ang importante.

Hindi ko alam kung lagi lang akong sinuswerte sa mga nakakasama ko, o sadyang marunong lang talaga kong makisama. Kasi, unang dalawang linggo pa lang, sobrang saya na namen ng mga kasama ko sa training. Mas masaya ko ngayon kumpara sa training namen dati dun sa dati kong pinagtrabahuan. Mas madame kasi ang bata samen ngayon. Call center pa din, pero madameng pinagkaiba, madame din pagkaka-pareho.

Ini-enjoy na namen bawat araw na magkakasama kame sa training, alam kasi namen na di na namen magagawa yung mga bagay na ginagawa namen ngayon kapag nasa production na kame. Pag nagkukulitan kame, parang wala kame sa training, para kameng nasa isang classroom. Para kameng highschool. Kaya sobrang saya namen. Sigurado mamimiss namen ang isa't-isa pag natapos na yung training. Sa ngayon, lulubusin muna namen yung mga araw na pwede kameng magharutan.

Di ko sigurado kung tatagal ako sa kumpanyang pinapasukan ko ngayon, di ko sigurado kung magiging ganun din ako kasaya gaya ng sa una, sa ngayon, masaya ko, yun ang importante.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Porque by Maldita

Habang umuulan.. eto ang hindi ko naman sinasadyang mapakinggan..

Artist: Maldita

Tulala lang sa 'king kwarto
at nagmumuni-muni
Ang tanong sa aking sarili
saan ako nagkamali?

Bakit sa iyo pa nagkagusto?
Parang bula ika'y naglaho.

Porque contigo yo ya iskuji?
Aura mi corazon ta sufri
Bien simple lang iyo ta pidi
Era cinti tu el cosa yo ya cinti
Ta pidi milagro, vira'l tiempo
El mali hace derecho
Na dimio reso ta pidi yo

 Era olvida yo contigo

Ang lahat ay binigay ko
Ngayon ay sising-sisi
Sobra-sobra ang parusa
Di alam kung kaya pa

Bakit sa iyo pa nagkagusto?
Parang bula ika'y naglaho.

Porque contigo yo ya iskuji?
Aura mi corazon ta sufri
Bien simple lang iyo ta pidi
Era cinti tu el cosa yo ya cinti
Ta pidi milagro, vira'l tiempo
El mali hace derecho
Na dimio reso ta pidi yo
Era olvida yo contigo

Huwag ng lumapit o tumawag pa
At baka masampal lang kita
Di babalikan, magsisi ka man
Ako ay lisanin

Porque contigo yo ya iskuji?
Aura mi corazon ta sufri
Bien simple lang iyo ta pidi
Era cinti tu el cosa yo ya cinti

Bakit ikaw pa ang napili?
Ngayon ang puso ko ay sawi
Kay simple lang ng aking hiling
Na madama mo rin ang pait at pighati
Sana'y magmilagro
Maibalik ko mali ay maideretso
Pinagdarasal ko sa aking puso
Na mabura na sa isip ko...

Matagal ko ng naririnig yang kantang yan.. Ngayon ko lang na-appreciate. To kasing kuya(ate?) ko, paulit-ulit na pinapatug-tog, ayan tuloy, napansin ko na lang, nagugustuhan ko na siya. Sana magustuhan nyo din.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Para Kay Bamness ♥

"It's not the laminated certificates that we are proud of,
 it's the friendship that we have established within the team.."                               


Tandang tanda ko pa kung ano ako nagsimula noon sa unang kumpanyang pinasukan ko. So far, yun pa lang naman ang napasukan ko.  Para akong grade1, lahat bago, lahat nakakapanibago. Mahirap kapag bago ka sa isang environment. Di mo alam kung may makakasundo ka, di mo alam kung tatagal ka. Maswerte ka kapag magaling kang makisama, mas maswerte ka kung pati yung mga tao sa paligid mo nakikisama. Medyo okey din yung deadma ka lang, tapos deadma lang din sila sayo. Nakakabagot yun pero mas okey kesa sa palibutan ka ng mga taong kupal makisama. Sa naging experience ko sa call center na pinasukan ko, ewan ko kung sinwerte nga lang ako sa mga taong nakasama ko, pero kung swerte nga yun, ipinagpapasalamat ko. 

Para akong bumalik sa elementary nung mga unang buwan ko sa opisina. Bukod sa wala pa akong alam tungkol sa pagtatrabaho, hindi ko din masyadong sineryoso nung una yung buhay na pinili kong pasukin nung nag-decide akong magtrabaho. Yung opisina namen, parang malaking playground para saken, hindi pa uso nun ang stress kasi nga, binabalewala ko lang lahat. Unti-unti ko na lang namalayan na mahal ko na pala yung trabaho ko. Ayy mali! Unti-unti palang pina-realize saken. 

Isa sa mga swerteng natanggap ko dun sa opisina ay yung tyaga at pasensya ng mga taong naging parang teacher ko. Hindi biro ang i-motivate ang taong kahit siya mismo, hindi alam kung san hinuhugot ang motivation para magpatuloy sa trabaho. Yun ang na-experience saken ng mga "teachers" ko sa opisina. Swerte nga siguro't sila ang nakasama ko. At mas tinatanggap kong swerte ang pagkakakilala ko sa mga teammates ko, sila yung mga araw-araw kong kasama no'n habang nagtatrabaho. Magaling silang makisama, kaya nakisama din ako. At hindi lang kame magkakatrabaho, magkakaibigan kame. Mas may lalim kumpara sa usual na relasyon ng magkatrabaho lang. 

Unahin ko ng ikwento yung unang taong nakasundo ko sa team, yung unang seatmate ko, yung unang taong nag-tyaga saken, yung pers lab ko sa opis, naks! Ganda ng intro! Ladies and Gentlemen, Ms. Genevieve Mae Barba. Clap! Clap! Clap!

Nickname: Bambie
Mas madalas ko siyang tawaging Bamness. Mataray siya nung una ko siyang nakilala. Pero hindi yun naging dahilan para hindi ko siya maging kaibigan. Usually kasi yun ang mga nakakasundo ko. At hindi nga ko nagkamali, di nagtagal naging uber close kame. Walang effort. Kasi parehas kameng nakisama sa ugali ng isa't isa. Kasi mga totoong tao kame, walang kaplastican. Genuine ang mga ngiti, lalo ang tawa. Pati pagsusungit, hindi itinago. Nagkakasakitan kame minsan, pisikal at emosyonal. Pero alam namen kung pano kame magkakasundo ulet. Samen ni Bam, hindi problema ang pag-uusap. Seryoso man o biruan, alam namen kung kelan dapat at hindi dapat pag-usapan ang mga bagay-bagay. Nagkahiwalay man kame, nag-uusap pa din kame pag may pagkakataon. Pag wala, kame ang humahanap ng pagkakataon. Di na siguro mawawala samen yung pagiging chikadora namen. Dun kasi kame lalong nagiging close.

Ehy and Bam

Ehyness and Bamness
Hindi ko na alam kung anu yung pinakamababaw na pinagtawanan namen o kung anu yung pinaka-seryosong pinag-usapan namen. Kung anuman yung mga yun, sigurado akong hindi yun ang last. Tatawa pa ulet kame together sa mababaw na dahilan, magkakaron pa ulet kame ng madameng seryosong usapan. At eto pa pala ang mas sigurado ako, she loves me, I love her.. Nakakatawa, pero seryoso.